Our three and half year old granddaughter, Rylee, stayed overnight recently. It was the first time she stayed alone at Grandpa and Grandma’s house, without her older sister. Grandma and Rylee painted their twenty fingernails blue.
When Rylee woke up in the morning, we were watching a squirrel on a tree outside the window. The squirrel stopped halfway up the tree trunk and stared in the window. Rylee was fascinated by the intensity of the squirrel’s stare. That’s when she proclaimed, “He is looking at me! He sees my blue fingernails.”
Out of the mouth of three year olds, emanate a lot of interesting thoughts. Yes, even truth. And definitely a glimpse of human nature. But somehow, I think it is more than toddlers who think the whole world is centered on them and noticing their newly-painted digits.
I sat in a local city council meeting for seven hours recently. Unfortunately, six of the seven hours was focused on the one agenda item—a proposed $150 annual tax increase—which was scheduled on the agenda before the hearing which pertained to our church. The council chambers were filled with a standing room only crowd. All of the media outlets were present. Extra police were hired to quell any unruly citizens.
I was amazed again how emotionally invested some citizens were in making sure this tax increase was shouted down. Everything was about them. They loved all the media cameras pointed at their “blue fingernails.” They loved the applause of their neighbors when they made rude and stinging digs toward the hard-working politicians on the dais. Many were willing to shade, misrepresent or just ignore the facts to make their self-focused point. It appeared some thought the whole world was interested in their particular viewpoint. And, I guess they thought the six hours arguing a $150 tax increase was worth it. I guess it is if you value your time at $25 per hour. I got a lot of work done during those six hours!
It seems to me that whether toddler or adult, we should always think more about others than just ourselves. We should look at what is good for the whole community rather than just our own household. And really, the squirrel isn’t looking at your blue fingernails!
QUESTION: What ways do you fight the temptation to think everyone wants to see your blue fingernails? Share below.
“One of us is wrong, and it’s definitely not me!” When you stop and think about it, that’s pretty much the attitude that starts every single conflict. Really! If I didn’t have that idea that I’m right and someone else is wrong, there wouldn’t be a conflict, would there?
So, given that the other person is sure you’re wrong, what are you going to do about it? Pointing out that they’re wrong doesn’t help, because now you’ve said the second thing in a row that your spouse / child / parent / customer / prospect / adversary doesn’t believe is true.
The thing that’s worth addressing has nothing much to do with the matter at hand, and everything to do with building credibility, attention and respect. Only then do you have a chance to educate and eventually persuade. Only then, do you have a chance to reconsider and come to the same conclusion as your opponent.
We solve conflict by building bridges, not burning them. Building a bridge permits education or dialogue or learning. When you burn that bridge, you’ve ensured nothing but conflict.
What are the things that build bridges in our relationships? Let me suggest a few for starters:
Respect From The Heart – Disdain, arrogance and condescension will always burn bridges. Listening attentively with eye contact and letting the other person speak without interruption will be sure to build bridges.
Reflective Listening – Clarifying questions, asking how the particular issue has affected them, and making sure you first understand the other person’s viewpoint is a great start to bridge building.
Replay What You Heard – It is always a great trust builder to replay what you heard the other person say and then let them correct you until you have heard it exactly like they meant it.
Rethink Possible Solutions – Brainstorm possible points of view beside the two conflicting ones. Look for balance between extremes and creative ideas that weren’t a part of either side’s original opinion or idea.
Resolution That Is mutual – Focus on the common agreement points that have come out of listening to each other. Come to a mutual agreement or at least an agreement to disagree.
Only seeking to “be right” is always wrong. Insisting on your way is not the right way to build healthy relationships. No one wants to hang around with or follow the leadership of a person who always has to be right. It’s the wrong way to build a thriving organization, a solid marriage or a network of friends. Building bridges will always get you further down the road than burning bridges.
QUESTION: What additional suggestions would you add for building healthy relationships? Please share them in the Comment section below.
In one of our guest bedrooms, my wife has a large treasure chest. It’s not filled with gold coins. This storage trunk is where she has always kept very important memorabilia—such as a 113 year old quilt made by her grandmother—since the beginning of our marriage over 38 years ago. On the outside of the canvas-covered trunk, are imprinted the initials M. M. for her maternal grandmother, Malinda Mann. This treasure chest is well over 100 years old.
Recently I read about a message given by Pastor Andy Stanley at Northpoint Church in Atlanta with this name, “Your Life is a Treasure Chest.” In his message, Stanley said, “You are a unique blend of experiences, successes, failures, and opportunities that make you a unique treasure. For you to have a life that counts, you have got to figure out how to leverage all of this for the sake of others.” I couldn’t agree more.
When I was in my early 40’s, I committed myself to pass on my life learnings to the generations behind me. Since that time, I’ve informally and formally tried to empty my treasure chest of valuables. Like your treasure chest, my failures, my successes, my life experiences, the combinations of good and bad, can all add value to those who are coming behind us.
You’ve probably heard some variation of this quote, “The measure of your life will not be in what you accumulate, but in what you give away.” That’s not only true of material things, but it is true of those valuables in your “treasure chest” of life experiences. And the older we get, the more our treasure chest grows!
Let me ask you, who could be benefitting from the treasure that is in you? Are you mentoring anyone? Have you taken inventory of your treasure chest to even know what you have that could bless someone younger?
And don’t forget to your tabulate your failures in the total tally of your treasure chest inventory. Stanley went on to say, “It’s your failures that in some ways makes you a better candidate to communicate to the generation that’s coming behind you.” People don’t just want to know about your successes. They want to make sure they don’t repeat your failures. When you think about it, others can learn far more from your failure than from your success.
So, who could benefit from all the great and not-so-great things in your treasure chest? Ask God to show you. What steps will you take this week to begin to distribute the wealth you’ve stored up?
QUESTION: What is one thing you want to share with the generation after you? Share your comment below.
If you were to stand before a couple thousand folks and speak after a week like this past one, what would you say? What would you talk about? Savage bomb blasts at the finish line of an iconic Boston sport’s event and a fiery inferno and chemical explosion at a fertilizer plant in West, Texas were the two main chaotic events that dominated our news channels 24/7 all week. Both rattled Americans—rural, small-town, suburban and urban. Both scarred our hearts. Both raised unanswerable questions.
Hot Air Balloon over Willamette Valley, OR with Mt. Jefferson in the background.
For more images captured by Dennis, go to www.GingerichPhotoArt.com.
How is it possible to experience internal calm and peace when circumstances inside our lives or outside us seem out of control? When people have cried over the death of children, the carnage of mangled limbs and the loss of first responders who were just doing what they were trained for, what kind of comfort and hope is there?
There are so many passages in the Bible to point you toward. The hope of the Psalms. The comfort of the prophet Isaiah. And, the words of Jesus in the Gospels. Here’s the scripture that I directed people to this weekend. These words of Apostle Paul were written while he was at one of the lowest points of his life—from a jail cell where he was held because he was practicing his faith.
4 Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! 5 Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. 6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. 8 Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. 9 Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you. Philippians 4:4-9 (NIV).
These are the takeaways that I shared in my weekend message.
You Can Choose Joy – When you know God as Immanuel (meaning God with us), we can choose our attitude. (v. 4)
You Can Choose Gentleness – When you know God is near and in control, you can actually relax and let him handle the outcomes rather than stressing and striving to determine your own outcomes. (v. 5)
You Can Choose to Be Anxious Free – When you know God is with you, you don’t have to try to control the areas of life only He is in charge of. (v. 6)
You Can Come to God in Confidence – God invites to come before Him in prayer and to ask boldly for His intervention and help. (v. 6)
You Can Expect God’s Transcendent Peace – When you get to know God for who He really is as Immanuel, then you can make the above choices and the result will be hard-to-explain peace. (v. 7)
You Must Focus on God’s Traits – If you want to keep God’s incredible peace, then you can’t focus on everything negative going on around you, instead you stay zeroed in on God’s positive traits. (vs. 8 & 9)
God’s peace is attainable during chaos when we understand He is present in our world and grasp how much he wishes to be included and invited into our daily lives. My prayer is that this week will be filled with God’s presence and peace.
QUESTION: What helps you experience God’s peace in your life? Please share below.
If you’re trading in the ultimate for the immediate, then you will never reach the highest potential you were created for. The choice between the ultimate and immediate is always a challenge for both leaders and followers. It will make you or break you as a leader. It will either move the follower toward leadership or hinder you from becoming a leader.
A wise leader, King Solomon, said it in two different ways: “Better a patient person than a warrior, one with self-control than one who takes a city.” (Proverbs 16:32) “Like a city whose walls are broken through is a person who lacks self-control.” (Proverbs 25:28) Your choice of the immediate will cause you to take steps that will allow your desires to trick you into doing something destructive or, at least unproductive.
What would change in our world if, instead of trading the ultimate for the immediate, people learned to trade the immediate for the ultimate?
What could change in your life if you learned to give up something you love now for something you would love even more later? Would you become debt free? Would it improve your marriage? Would it change your relationship with your children or grandchildren? Would it possibly affect your long term career success?
At my stage and age of life, some of my greatest joys and my sense of satisfaction now is from previously making the difficult choices of going for the ultimate rather than the immediate. And the very few regrets I have can all be traced back to the easy choices I made to grab the immediate rather than wait for the ultimate.
Here’s what I’ve learned. When you know who you are, you’ll sacrifice what you want, in order to become the person God wants you to be. And, you’ll choose the ultimate over the immediate.
QUESTION: Describe a time when you sacrificed the ultimate for the immediate. What did you learn from your experience? Share in the comment section below
In the 1987 movie, “The Untouchables,” Sean Connery (playing Jim Malone) and Kevin Costner (playing Elliot Ness) are talking about how to take down the legendary gangster Al Capone. Sean Connery says, “What are you prepared to do?” Kevin Costner responds, “Everything within the law.” Connery counters, “And THEN what are you prepared to do?” It was a memorable moment in a movie with the tagline, “Never stop fighting till the fight is done.”
When you grasp the sober reality that the average length of life in the United States is 78.49 years (women 81.05 and men 76.05), most of you reading this blog are beyond the 39.245 halfway-point. So the question really is, “WHAT ARE YOU PREPARED TO DO?”
If you haven’t thought about or clarified your life purpose, when do you plan to take time to figure it all out? Do you have a clear sense of what God created you for? Do you know what on earth you are here for? Do you have a mission statement? Are you living it?
The most basic question everyone faces in life is, “Why am I here?” “What is my purpose?” Self-help books suggest that people should look within, at their own desires and dreams, but author Rick Warren says in best-selling “The Purpose Driven Life,” “the starting place must be with God and his eternal purposes for each life. Real meaning and significance comes from understanding and fulfilling God’s purposes for putting us on earth.” If you’ve never read the book, I suggest you join the 32 million people who have bought the book and read the short 1-1½ page chapters designed to be read over a 40-day period. Millions have been inspired to live with greater clarity and focus.
The big question remains—What are you prepared to do? Before you were born, God planned this moment in your life. It is no accident that you are reading this blog. God longs for you to discover the life he created you to live —here on earth, and forever in eternity.
What first step or additional steps will you take today to discover or clarify your purpose? If I fall into the average lifespan for a man, I’ve only got 17 years to go. I’m very grateful I figured out my life purpose on inspiring transformissional living years ago. How about you? What are you prepared to do?
QUESTION: Would you mind sharing your life purpose statement? Place it in the comment section.
One of the most common complaints that I hear about churches and people who attend them is, “They are all a bunch of hypocrites.” As a long-time pastor, I agree. We all have some hypocrisy in our lives. It’s not just the people who attend a church or a synagogue.
I recently wrote about integrity—who we are when no one is looking. A hypocrite is the opposite of a person with integrity. Before we point the finger at others who have cracks in their integrity, think more closely about the word hypocrite. The New Testament section of the Bible was originally written in the Greek language. Hypokrites, the Greek word that we translate as hypocrite, literally means an actor or stage player.
In the tradition of ancient Greek drama, it was common for an actor to play several different roles in one performance. They would use a different carved wooden mask for each of the various characters they were playing. One mask might be smiling and one might be frowning. Everyone in the audience knew the different symbols. When an actor in the ancient drama needed to switch to a different role, he simply picked up a different mask and held it in front of his face. It was really pretty simple.
Don’t we do the same thing? For each situation and social circumstance we find ourselves in, we present our best act. We show ourselves in the best possible light—even if it isn’t completely honest, accurate or authentic. We tend to calculate who we think that particular group wants us to be and then we select the mask to play that character for them. The mask may change for those at work, our friends, those at our place of worship or when we are with our family.
It may be hard to see it in yourself, but each of us lacks integrity at some point or another. We even have phrases like “little white lies” to protect or justify this phony behavior. We want to keep it looking good on the outside.
Let me suggest two things that might help you to be more authentic:
Remember that integrity starts from the inside out, not the outside in. God wants to transform the inside of our hearts not just to dust off the smudges on the outside. Read Matthew 23:25-28.
Ask yourself, “What is your integrity worth?” It’s easy to respond, “it’s worth everything” but still shade your resume to get a better job. And that means your integrity is worth whatever that job pays. Or maybe you only exaggerate your stories to your friends so you get to be their hero. What is your integrity worth?
What if we all aligned ourselves so closely to God that we committed to living in a “No Spin Zone?” What if our behavior actually lined up with our beliefs? What if our “yes” was always yes and our “no” was always no? What if we didn’t switch masks for different scenarios throughout our day? What if we got rid of our masks and people saw the real you and me?
Integrity really does matter. I think we would all find ourselves receiving honor, trust and respect from the people around us in ways that we’ve never had before.
QUESTION: What helps you to live with authenticity? Please share it below.
“If you don’t have integrity, that’s all that matters. If you do have integrity, that’s all that matters.” Those words by Craig Groeschel in his book, Altar Ego, say it best. In my 34 years of leadership, I can’t think of much anything else that is more important in every single area of life. Integrity or lack of it, will make you or break you.
You don’t have to look very far to find plenty of examples of people who lack integrity: business, sports, politics, clergy and all the rest. Dishonesty is so normal that people are often surprised by honesty.
So if the lack of integrity is obvious, what is true integrity? Here’s a simple definition that Groeschel gives, “Practicing integrity means that your behavior matches your beliefs.” I’ve heard other definitions like, “integrity is who you are when no one is looking.” The bottom line is that your life seamlessly forms a united whole. There’s not a public life and a private life. They match. What you say actually matches what you do. Your lifestyle is integrated.
Just to make sure, personal integrity is not the same thing as your reputation. Your reputation is who other people think you are. Your integrity (or lack of it) is who you really are. Proverbs 11:3 says, “The integrity of the upright guides them, but the unfaithful are destroyed by their duplicity.” That’s true. We’ve all seen it.
How much is your integrity worth? If you don’t have integrity, you don’t have anything, but if you have integrity, you have everything that matters.
God intended you to be a person of integrity. To do this you must decide what your next step is if you are lacking integrity. What are you going to do to begin fully living your life of integrity? If you are living with integrity, then what are you going to do to maintain it?
QUESTION: What is one thing you practice to maintain integrity? Share it below.
“Never again” is a statement of regret, remorse, and lament. We use it to talk about foods we’ve tried, experiences we’ve had, places we’ve visited, relationships we’ve endured and more. Today, I use it to speak of an unimaginably horrific tragedy of modern civilization—the slaughter of 6 million Jews in Europe between 1933 and 1945.
Every year around the 27th of Nisan on the Hebrew calendar, I pause for two hours in the middle of a busy schedule to remember, to reflect and to repeat—“Never Again.” As one of a handful of Gentiles in a Jewish crowd, I’m honored to be invited each year to participate in the Annual Holocaust Memorial service in my community. I usually read a poem, say a prayer or speak about why I regularly take people to visit Yad Vashem, the Holocaust museum in Jerusalem. I treasure this opportunity as a Christian pastor (with a Jewish great-great grandmother) to be included in this most solemn Jewish remembrance service.
Again this year, I was thankful to slow down, stop and reflect in our fast-paced world and remember that if we want to know where we are heading, we have to know where we have come from. As this year’s speaker, Dr. Paul Bartrop said, “We can’t change our world history. It is what it is. But we can learn from it.” He went on to say, “Ignorance will triumph if we forget.” If our country or any other country insists on only one politically correct viewpoint, another holocaust is the potential result.
Each year, I meet interesting and memorable people. I’ve sat with Holocaust survivors and looked at the wrist-tattooed identification numbers inscribed by the Nazi guards at the Auschwitz Concentration Camp. I’ve listened to a Jewish widow as she showed me her wedding pictures that included Oskar Schindler (the subject of the award-winning 1993 Steven Spielberg movie Schindler’s List) as her husband’s best man. I’ve met the sons and daughters of parents who never made it out of the gas chambers and death camps.
“Never again” has been the mantra of many over the past sixty plus years. Most of us can’t imagine something so horrific as the murderous rampage that went on for more than a decade in central Europe while many stood watching silently or turning their faces the other way. We wonder how that can happen and so many be so complicit. Yet, since the Holocaust of Europe, we’ve had similar genocide tragedies in Bosnia, Rwanda, Darfur, Burma and recently in Syria. Not to forget—the brutal destruction of millions of unborn humans every single year right here in America.
Don’t forget. Every time we participate in or even allow ethic joking or bullying of someone who is different or weaker, it can reappear. The diseases of bigotry, hate, immorality and bloodlust have a way of infecting our culture and the symptoms manifesting in unexpected moments when we let our guard down.
Every time we value and worship our Creator and honor His precious creations, we are remembering. We are remembering that God loves each and every person of every race, gender and background. We are refusing to forget that God’s greatest commandment is to love Him with all our heart, soul mind and strength and to love our neighbors as we love ourselves.
QUESTION: How do you remember to value each person? Please share below.
What do you think is the most valuable land in the whole world? A diamond mine in South Africa? An oilfield in the Middle East? An island in the South Pacific? You really don’t have to be an expert on world-wide real estate listings to figure this one out. And, it may be something different than you are thinking of at this moment. But here’s what I think.
The most valuable land in the world is a cemetery. In rather small plots of ground all around the world, are buried unfulfilled dreams, unwritten novels, masterpieces not created, businesses not started, relationships not reconciled and plans never executed. That is the most valuable land in the world.
I don’t mean this at all in any kind of morbid way but I want to die empty. I know, that can sound a bit threatening to people in a culture that uses euphemisms like, “he passed away,” “he’s gone on” or “he’s in a better place.” But the reality is, we all die. None of us will be here forever. So, why should I die filled with all kinds of unused gifts and talents?
Todd Henry, author of the book, The Accidental Creative: How to Be Brilliant At a Moment’s Notice, wrote, “My only job—each and every day—is to empty myself, to do my daily work, and to try as much as possible to leave nothing unspoken, uncreated, unwritten.” Wow, that’s powerful! What if we all lived that way every single day? If this was my last day and I had just divested myself of everything that was in me, I guess I wouldn’t have any regrets then, would I?
What if you actually applied this principle of dying empty to every aspect of your life each day? What would it mean to apply it to your relationships? What about your work? Your creativity?
What do you need to do to empty yourself today? Is there some project that you need to begin that has been too overwhelming to get started on it? What small step could you take to get started? Is there some conversation you need to have but you just haven’t seen the perfect time yet? Why not pick up the phone? Is there an idea that you want to execute but there’s been no room to include it in your schedule? Why not just start moving on it today?
Life is really very short. So what will you do? Will you die full of unexecuted ideas and plans or will you die empty? It seems to me, it’s your choice!
QUESTION: What is one thing you need to empty yourself of today? I’d love to have you share it below.
