Energy is finite, not unlimited. Stress and pressure drain energy. Relational conflicts sap energy. Lack of internal consistency between who you really are and what you pretend to be will suck the life out of you. You can name a bunch more. But, the question is, how do you restore and refuel your energy reserves?
Here are some suggestions I have for staying energized:
Identify your energy-drainers – If you are out of touch with what empties your physical, emotional, relational and spiritual tank, you can’t stop it. Slow down and pay attention to the times you are exhausted and see if you can put your finger on the specific situations, people, activity or environments that sap you.
Accomplishment – This may seem counter-intuitive when you already may feel overworked. The idea here is not more work but finished work. When you complete tasks and check things off your list, it will boost your energy.
Exercise – We know exercise builds stamina and releases good chemicals into our system. But when we get busy, we tend to make excuses for our lack of exercise. But even just 3-4 times a week for 30-40 minutes can make a huge difference in your energy level.
Eat Right – Avoiding junk foods, fatty foods, sugary foods and alcohol will help prevent your energy levels from dropping during the day. Lots of water is good. Too much caffeine stimulates the body to produce adrenaline and then eventually, when it runs out, you will feel exhausted.
Help Someone – When you make an effort to bless someone else by helping them in some way or another, you feel good about it and your energy level increases.
Laugh – We all need to smile more, laugh more and enjoy life. If we spend our entire day facing conflict, solving problems and managing tension, our energy reserves will be depleted. A good laugh can give a big energy boost.
I don’t want to drain your energy by too long of a read so I’ll stop for now. I have several more. Look for Part 2.
QUESTION: What boosts your energy? Please share it below. Thanks!
In our culture, we are most often judged by our accomplishments. People make their assessment of us based on what we’ve done, what we’ve built, what we’ve led, where we have been, the titles we’ve worn and the awards we’ve been honored with. But the truth is, on the inside, we continually ask ourselves, Am I content with who I am becoming?” Am I pleased with the direction I’m heading?
Have you ever seen a Pine Beetle clinging to the bark of a tree and you approach it and it doesn’t move? And if you touch it, it is actually just a shell still attached to the tree. The insides are completely dried up and evaporated.
I’ve met some people whose lives have evaporated. They have become a walking, hollow shell. Their living has used up their life. They are totally empty and void of any meaning and significance. Oh, they still go through the motions but there is no joy, no purpose and no vision for the future.
It seems to me that a life that has focused only on success results in a life with little significance. The stress of obtaining success at all costs drains all energy reserves—physical, emotional and spiritual. And usually, the person doesn’t like what he or she is becoming. They hate the emptiness. They despise the charades, the smokescreen, the facade, the pretense, the veneer. Everyone around them hears a hollow echo where a resonant vibrant voice should be. And inside, they dislike what they are becoming.
Today, take some time to reflect:
How content are you with who you are becoming?
What are you doing to prevent hollowness?
What are you doing to regularly recharge your body, your mind, your soul and your heart?
Stay tuned. I have some suggestions.
QUESTION: What are the things that drain you? Please share them in the Comment section.
On Facebook, one of my community-leader friends recently posted how inspired she is every time she drives by an intersection near her home. You see, the school crossing guard waves his orange-gloved hand and smiles at every passing vehicle, morning and afternoon. Multiple people commented on her post how they also love to drive by that crossing. In addition to making sure every student arrives and departs safely to and from school, he daily inspires and encourages hundreds more.
I’ve been driving through the same intersection every day on the way to the office over the last seven years. And, the school crossing guard never fails to wave and smile at me. I wave and smile back. I’ve noticed that many drivers do not reciprocate. So, after my friend Heather Mazurkiewicz made her comment on Facebook, I decided to stop my car, roll down the window and tell him how inspiring he is to me. I found out his name is John Haley.
John just smiled even more when I told him that my friends were talking about him on Facebook. He seemed a little embarrassed by all the attention. I thanked John for being such a positive model to me and all the students he encounters each day. I thanked him for making our community a safer and friendlier place to live. John just smiled, waved and said, “Thank you.”
Since I took the time to personally meet John (after driving past him every day for seven years), I’ve endeavored to be more like John. I work hard at not being so focused on my destination that I miss the people along the way. I’m intentionally trying to smile and acknowledge those I meet in the grocery store aisle, standing in line at Starbucks and in the parking lot at Target. I’m making an effort to smile and wave at every out-of-doors neighbor in our community as I drive by. I want to inspire others like John Haley does. Our world needs more crossing guard inspirations. Will you inspire anyone today?
QUESTION: Who inspires you in your daily routines? Share the name below.
Back in the day when price tags weren’t secured on merchandise by chains, security alarms, dye packs and much more, some of my peers would switch price tags in the store–just for the fun of it. And, I know a few people who changed the price tags as a way to get an item for a lower price.
If you think about it, someone has switched the price tags on a lot of things in our culture. We barely pay a decent salary to our school teachers who significantly influence the trajectory of a young student’s life but a 20-something guy who barely got through college gets paid millions of dollars to throw or catch a football on Sunday afternoon. Our want-driven advertising campaigns encourage us to constantly pursue things that will ultimately end up in a landfill.
17th Century theologian Jonathan Edwards observed that the ultimate good in life is to treat things according to their true value. We need to be extremely careful about treating the eternal as though it were temporal and the temporal as though it were eternal.
“For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also” is a statement made by Jesus (Matthew 6:21). Jesus was addressing our tendency to pursue whatever we value the most. If we buy into our culture’s value system, we will miss out on the joys of knowing God deeply and the joys of God’s best intentions for this life. We will drift toward relationships that are just contacts in our phone lists or “friends” on Facebook. We can easily degenerate into manipulating people to get what we think we want. We become driven to accomplish rather than to spend quality time with those we love. We work harder to impress than to build intimacy with others. And we end up on the treadmill of busyness and striving—disconnected, disillusioned and spent.
What have you invested your life in this past week? Have you invested in anything or anyone that will out live you? Joan of Arc said, “It is not a tragedy to die for something you believe in, but it is a tragedy to find at the end of your life that what you believed in betrayed you.” Her idea captures the tension between the temporal and the eternal. Have you allowed the price tags to be switched?
QUESTION: What helps you stay focused on the right values? Please share it below.
When I launched this blog in October 2012, the third post was “Bucket List or Ladder List?” It was a blog honoring my brother in-law who changed his address from earthly to eternal exactly one year ago today. In honor of Paul, I’m reposting a blog for the first time. Here it is:
Earlier this year, I lost a friend, a brother. We actually both have the same last name—but I grew up in Oregon and he in Pennsylvania. Yet we both married into the same family, just six months apart. So, we are brother in-laws. Paul was an eloquent wordsmith. 
Last year, while challenged with life-threatening cancer, he wrote, “I have trouble with the thought of making a ‘Bucket List.’ This term projects the demise of one’s life and the desire to fill one’s life with hoped-for events before one ‘kicks the bucket’ and opportunities are lost. A bucket invites a downward gaze, the focus of a ‘Ladder List’ directs one’s in an upward direction.”
You may have a bucket list. But have you ever thought of a making a ladder list? If Paul still had an earthly address, he would be the first person I would ask to be a guest blogger. I love his values, his writing, his witty humor and so much more. In fact, Paul did some blogging for the famous Lehman’s Hardware store in tiny rural Kidron, Ohio where he taught high school for 30 years.
Here’s what my brother in-law Paul Gingerich said are the elements he would include on his ladder list:
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Tangible acts of sacrifice for others
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Supportive, relationally-focused activities that enhance family
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Love for others
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Generously giving life to those less fortunate
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And…directing praise to God.
Paul went on to write, “My Ladder List has a ‘bottom-up’ kind of focus. It is open-ended and sacrificial. Its goal is to build up, restore and encourage. I give credit to the Apostle Paul for this upside down, ladder list perspective on the future. In Philippians 3:14, Paul highlights this inverted perspective. He says, ‘I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.’ The focus is upward and there is movement. I’m going to start writing my ladder list and keep looking up!” Love To All, –Paul
We live in a world where we are taught to be self-sufficient, to seek and demand the best for ourselves. But even before his cancer and transition to eternal life at age 59, Paul was climbing a different ladder than most career-focused men. Paul concentrated on serving others, supportive relationships and sharing generously. His two and a half year journey with cancer allowed him to put into text something he was already living. And for me–and thousands of others he has influenced–Paul challenged me to live for a ladder instead of a bucket.
QUESTION: What is on your Ladder List? Please share it in the comment section below!
Late the other night, I got a call from the watch commander of our local police department. He was calling me, as the lead chaplain for our department, to find out if I knew how to reach another pastor in a nearby town. A husband and father of four had committed suicide and his wife, who found him, was trying to reach her pastor. Fortunately, I was able to call another pastor who gave me her pastor’s cell phone and I called him to pass on the horrific news so he could contact her. Sadly, this guy called it quits and left his family and pastor totally stunned.
Let’s be honest, life isn’t always easy. Things can be very tough, very dark and very difficult. The demands of life cause many to want to hang it up and quit altogether. They decide it’s not worth it anymore. The good news is, most do not want to end their lives. But still, they want to walk away from jobs, careers, marriages, families or other responsibilities.
When you get to that place of wanting to throw in the towel, let me suggest four things:
Q –Quiet When you are near the end of your rope, it is very important to find a place to be quiet and let your Creator speak to you. Time with God is always important, but especially when you are going through a difficult time, slow down and listen to Him. Psalm 46:10 says, “Be still, and know I am God!” Let Him speak admiration, conviction, courage, peace, calmness, wisdom, direction, and whatever else you need to hear.
U –Unplug Unplug every connection to any source that is draining to you. You might need to temporarily disengage from your laptop, your iPad, your phone, your email, or anything that is tethering you to the world. Maybe you need a vacation or at least a day or two off. Sometimes you need to temporarily distance yourself from relationships that are sucking the life out of you. Now, of course, don’t be stupid and make things worse in your life. But disconnection from the energy drainers in your life can help you get recharged.
I –Interaction Talk to someone. It is so important to have close, open, and transparent relationships. People that you can be vulnerable with, but still be encouraged. People that you can cry to, but still feel respect from. A lot of people think they have to withdraw from people and go through the valley alone. Not so. Just choose those interactions wisely. If you can’t find someone close to you, find a professional to help. Go to a counselor. You need someone to talk to. Let it out before you say, “I Quit!”
T –Try Try something new. Do whatever it takes to fill your tank and get out of your rut. Without breaking out of a rut, you’ll be back in the same old groove. And a rut is simply a grave with both ends knocked out. Try something different. Maybe you can find a new hobby, a new sport, a new interest, a new time schedule, a new pattern of “quiet time” with God, a new place to go, or a new exercise program. And a new spouse is not the answer. 🙁 But try something that moves you toward a hopeful future.
QUESTION: What do you do to keep from quitting? Share it with us below.
Asking great questions is a critical key to excellent conversation and fruitful communication. Great questions create a connection that keeps the dialogue focused, intentional and moving toward greater clarity and understanding. However, the kind of questions you ask will determine the quality of the response. For example, a closed question invites a one-word response and nothing further.
To illustrate, a closed question to your child would be, “Did you get your homework done?” You likely will get a yes or a no response. The conversation is over. Sometimes, a one-word response is all that you need. But, if you want that conversation with your child to go deeper, you will ask an open-ended question, “How did things go with your home work today?” Now, the conversation can develop into whether or not it was started, completed, if the child is struggling, needs your help, or whatever.
Open-ended questions are extremely important for building closer relationships. If you only want to have arms-length relationships with strangers, stay with closed questions: What, When, Who, How Much, How Many?, etc. Those questions are fine for outsiders and gathering facts. But they don’t build intimacy and depth in your relationships or your team.
The advantage of open-ended questions is that they encourage thought and reflection, elicit description and enable self-disclosure.
Here are some examples for you to try today:
- How did that make you feel?
- Help me to understand how…or help me understand why…?
- What did you learn through that experience?
- Knowing what you know now, what would you change in the future?
- How does this connect you to the big picture of what you want to accomplish?
- How can you be so stupid? (Just kidding about that one. I’m seeing if you are awake! 🙂
- What do you see as your options?
- What are your next steps?
- What is one way I can assist you in accomplishing your goals?
I’m sure you can think of many more open-ended questions to use in a variety of settings you will encounter today. The important part is that you become aware of the kinds of questions that lead to the end of a conversation as compared to the type that grow toward more dialogue. If you want to grow your relationships, there is definitely an advantage to open-ended questions.
QUESTION: What additional advantages to open-ended questions would you suggest? Share them in the Comment section. Thanks!
Are you trying to become a better listener? One essential skill for better listening is learning the art of asking great questions. When you are in a conversation and you ask questions, it helps you stay in a listening posture and keeps bouncing the conversation ball back into the other person’s court.
Questions are a great asset in any conversation. I’m not talking about questions that interrogate, humiliate, manipulate, show mistrust or are just random. I’m referring to questions that are thoughtful, thought-provoking and encourage continued dialogue. Steve Ogne and Tim Roehl have written a great book, TransforMissional Coaching, with a whole chapter on asking great questions. Let me share some gleanings that have helped me in this area of conversation.
Ways great questions enhance a conversation:
Show Value — When you are asking questions that relate to the person you are speaking with, it reminds that person the conversation is about him or her, not about you.
Engage and Involve — Thoughtful questioning keeps your conversation partner as an active participant and not a passive receiver.
Focused Dialogue – Questions keep you dedicated to explore the environment of the other person and a specific topic rather than diverting the conversation to random chatter.
Encourages Thinking – John Whitmore said, “Telling saves people form having to think. Asking questions causes them to think for themselves.” Good questions release the other person’s best reflections and insight.
Increases Listening – When you ask questions of another, you then have to quit talking to listen to their response. Our two ears work so much better when our mouth is inviting responses rather than imparting information.
Invites Disclosure – Questions open the door to data which often leads to another question that uncovers more information that leads to still more questions. More information and disclosure usually leads to a deeper relationship and to better problem solving.
Helps with Self-Discovery – Great questions can intentionally guide a conversation to creating self-awareness. Rather than telling someone what they “need to see” about themselves or their circumstance, a poignant “aha” moment is always a much greater and effective change agent.
Remember, questions can be used, misused and abused in a relationship. They can be used to help or harm another person. Great questions are both intentional and powerful bridges to better relationships.
QUESTION: What additional thoughts do you have? Share them in the Comment section.
Listening is one of the most important skills for success at every age and stage of life. How well you listen has a major impact on your job effectiveness, your marriage, your parenting and the quality of all your relationships. We listen to obtain information. We listen to understand. We listen for enjoyment. We listen to learn. Given all the listening we need to do, you would think we’d all be good at it! Not so much.
Research suggests we remember between 25 and 50 percent of what we hear. That means if you talked to your spouse, your boss, your neighbor or your kids for 10 minutes today, they paid attention to less than half of what you said. Turn it around the other way. You were listening to less than half of everything that was said to you yesterday. Hopefully, you heard the most important half of the conversation!
Today, be a better listener. It will help you to improve your productivity, as well as your ability to influence, persuade and negotiate. Even more, it will likely raise your chances of avoiding conflict and misunderstandings. It will help you be more successful.
Here are some essentials:
Be intentional. It doesn’t happen by accident. Listening is hard work. “Seek first to understand, then to be understood” (Stephen Covey).
Listen beyond the words. In a previous post, I mentioned that communication is 7% words, 38% tone and 55% body language. So, listen with more than your ears. Engage your eyes. Hear with your heart.
Beware of “autobiographical” responses. Quick interpretation and advice given out of your own experiences can shut off your listening. Instead, ask questions to inquire more, dig deeper and explore feelings the other person might have below the surface.
Don’t fear silence. We tend to get uncomfortable with silence but it can help us get past the superficial to options beyond the obvious. If we are willing to wait and not fill the silence with words while the other person is reflecting, we will tend to get a more authentic response.
Listen for the “aha” or “uh-oh” moments. I love it when careful questions cause the lightbulb to come on and fresh insight is visible. These points of self-discovery are priceless. It always sticks better and brings more change.
All of these things take practice. Effective listening means you make a conscious effort to hear more than the words that are being spoken. More importantly, you try to understand the complete message being sent. It might help to repeat their words mentally as they say them. If you are uncertain, it will be highly appreciated if you interrupt with, “What I hear you saying is…” Others want to be heard. And the truth is, you and I also want to be heard. Let it begin with me.
QUESTION: What essentials did I miss? I’d love to hear from you in the Comment section below.
Great listening and excellent communication include something so obvious but frequently overlooked. You can demonstrate either interest or disinterest in another person without a single word. In fact, you can speak volumes without opening your mouth! I’m talking about the non-verbal part of communication.
It has been repeatedly stated that communication is 7% spoken words, 38% tone of voice and 55% nonverbal. If listening is one of the major parts of good communication, listening with more than your ears is even a bigger deal. You can build listening bridges with your body language. Pay special attention to the nonverbal side of how you listen.
Steve Hoke and Myra Perrine do a workshop on “Fostering a Healthy Relational Environment” and they suggest some things that have helped me evaluate my listening style. See if it won’t help you to fine-tune your nonverbal listening skills:
Set aside distractions – Whether it’s your smart phone, iPad, computer, a book, television or newspaper, it must be turned off or put away if the person you are communicating with is to feel valued. Trying to text, checking your emails or glancing at the television is a sure way to telegraph to the person they are low on the priority list.
Ignore nearby distractions – This is the toughest one for me when I’m standing in a public place and there are other people, noises and activity all around me. Tuning out all that other stuff takes a lot of work but it’s vital to great listening–especially in a less than private environment.
Give focused attention – Staying alert and engaged is critical. We all know how it feels when someone falls asleep while we are trying to carry on a conversation.
Maintain appropriate eye contact – This is probably one of the biggest nonverbal gestures that communicates you are staying connected to the dialogue. It takes a lot of focus but it speaks loudly.
Use appropriate posture and facial expression – It’s amazing how much leaning forward toward the person and an occasional nod transfers a sense of caring and interest.
Be aware of your body posture – Turning your body toward the person you are listening to rather than partially away from them goes a long way. Unfolding your arms and legs communicates openness.
Touch appropriately – A gentle touch on the arm when someone is struggling emotionally or being very vulnerable sends an important message of empathy and concern.
Sit or stand at the same level – Choose where you sit or stand very carefully. If you sit too close or too far away, you might send an unintended message. If you sit in a chair that is higher or stand while the other person is sitting, you can easily communicate superiority or power that hinders the flow of conversation. Try to have your face and eyes level with the other person.
Since nonverbal contact represents over half of the impression we leave, a communication encounter can be seriously enhanced or hindered by the visible but often overlooked. Pay special attention to the nonverbal cues you give and receive today and watch it potentially increase your effectiveness as a communicator.
QUESTION: What other nonverbal cues did I miss? Share them below. Thanks!
